Keeping it real one more time.............

When I first moved to America nine years ago I had a blog. It was kind of my connection to the outside world and I made some friends from it too. Then facebook came along and I got bored with blogging. It was much easier to have contact on facebook. But I think facebook has taken away so much from people and that we fail to see that. We or at least I am to fearful to put too much about my family on there and you can't talk about the things you really want to talk about without offending people or come off as if you are bragging. People don't really care about what they are reading (ok maybe a handful of people but not the people you knew when you were 10)and in all honesty what you are reading is a mere moment of time in that persons life. So Sally had a starbucks today... well shit her life must be perfect... little does anyone no that the rest of Sally's day was crap!! We read what we want to read and we make mental images in our heads of their lives and our lives. Don't get me wrong I love technology and I liked be connected like that but it was taking away something from my life. It was taking away human contact. This is the way the world is turning now though and well I want off the ride for awhile. I can't say forever... I have a son going to college in a year and I want to be in contact with him however possibly and if he is on facebook then that's were I will be. By the way he totally left facebook a few weeks ago because he felt that it was distracting him from his studies. Maybe some adults need to leave facebook and realize that it is distracting them from their own lives.

So I am going to do some more reading and when I am on the computer I am going to learn something new each day instead of trolling facebook and reading about other peoples so called lives.

Carry on!!!

Happiness

Cheer

I didn't realize that half my shit was attached to facebook.. words with friends, pinterest and I am sure there is more. I can't believe how integrated it is into everything.I have six games going on words, five are with a lady that added a game five times. I am sure she doesn't know what the hell she is doing.

So today I still feel anxious in the pit of my stomach. I really don't know why though. I hate feeling like this. I think after the summer break I am going to have to find some sort of little job. Staying at home all day isn't good for me. I don't want to spend it cleaning the house all the time. There is only so much cleaning you can do right?

I have stuff to look forward to like going to England but I am not excited about it really. I mean I want to go but you would think I would be well cheery about it. I need to cheer up............................

True

Fakebook

So I closed fakebook today. I have wanted to for awhile but haven't done it. I decided I need a break from it. Really why are we all on there anyway? I am tired of people thinking they know my business when they don't really have a friggin clue. It isn't an excuse not to call people up or to want to hang out with them. I think people go on FB and see that you are alive and don't need to contact you. I need human contact. I don't need it on a daily basis but occasionally would be nice. I don't think I am addicted to FB and I may have been in the beginning when it first came out but honestly now I am just irritated by it. So far two people have asked me where I have gone... now that's funny!!!

Here

Still here somewhere. I think I have some depression going on and I am trying to deal with that. I have trying a new hormone replacement therapy. I was using the cream but it wasn't working very well for me so now I have these nasty little lozenges that go in your mouth between your gum and your cheek. I think I am getting the hang of not getting on my tongue. It tastes like bile... not nice at all. Seriously it sucks getting old. I just want to feel like I did five years ago. I am not talking twenty years ago... Carry on!!

Cry Baby

So I am over being a cry baby. I had my few days of feeling sorry for myself and I am done. I need to get my happy face on and enjoy the life God has given me.... Carry on!!! Oh and I went for a walk again last night although my husband had to persuade me :0)

How to find your purpose.............

Maybe this will help....................

http://www.wikihow.com/Find-Your-Life's-Purpose

Just say no

Day 3 of no diet dr pepper and its ok. I did it before for six months and I can do it again but this time I want it to be for good. So I have been drinking lots of water and I hate it. Seriously hate it but as its getting warmer it isn't that hard to drink. I wasn't drinking that much soda before so it won't be hard.

I haven't been out with the dog yet as I just feel blah again this morning and I really need to go shower. Everything is a huge boring effort right now. On the bonus side today I don't have to cook dinner tonight. This post is boring and negative like the others.

I am going to start water zumba as soon as the pool warms up. A lady does it from her house but her pool is like 72 at the moment and I would freeze to death in that just by getting into it. I am such a girl............ I like doing water aerobics and have done it in the past. It is high energy but it is low impact on the body. So that and walking were my two favorite exercises. I hope that walking because one of them again.

My blood glucose was a bitch yesterday and I think it was the line into the pump that wasn't working properly. I kept looking and thought it looked odd but was like its ok. Stupid me!!! I know that doesn't make me feel good when its like that. I think I am just having a majorly bad week.

Anyway I should get on with some stuff round here and make myself presentable!!

Cheers!! xoxo

Walkies

I walked again and well I nearly died.

Blah

I feel so worn out and just want to sit all day long. If you knew me a six years ago I was crazy OCD and now not so much. Its kind of scary when you feel so blah a lot of the time. I know that today is just particularly bad. I figured out that my infusion set was not working and my blood sugars have been high most of the time. That doesn't help the situation. Blah.............

Wishes

Fat Moments

Those moments when you can't go anywhere without being paranoid of how fat you look.

How fat?

Down and Out

Can I say I am really down right now about my whole self. I don't like anything about myself right now. I am fat and getting older by the day. I have no one to blame but myself on the fatness level. I have completely let myself go and I am so depressed about it. I no longer have an excuse about it anymore. I am ashamed of myself and I don't know what to do or where to start AGAIN!! So I have this issue with my back and I don't know if its all in my head or what or weather it is just because I am so fat. My back hurts after I am walking for a bit. It is in my lower back and it is almost unbearable until I sit down and then it just goes away. I am guessing it is my weak point and if I lose some weight and exercise it will go away. In fact I know it will go away because I was walking four miles a day two years ago and when I first started my back hurt like this too. The thing is I don't want to go through the pain first to get to not having the pain. I know I am so insane but its true. I just want an easy button. I am so embarrassed about the way I look. I can't buy clothes because I hate all the FAT people clothes. I hate them and I hate going in there. I don't know how people walk around feeling happy when they are fat. I can't stand it. I can't stand it at all. It makes me miserable but why isn't it making me miserable enough to do something about it? I can't even write on here that I am going to do something about it because I have done that before and I haven't done it. Or I started but didn't finish. So my declaration is that I am going to take one day at a time. One day at a time and then maybe my fat pants will be a little loser next week and then maybe I will get down to the next size of fat pants that I have hanging in my wardrobe. Just maybe............................. So I asked the dog this morning if she wanted to go for a walk and she practically cried. Now how freaking sad is that? The dog couldn't bloody believe her ears that fat me wanted to take her for a walk. So I went around the block and by the time we were on our way home my back was hurting but I did it and it was a start right? On another note my doctor about a month ago gave me this new medicine that I can use with my insulin. It is supposed to help you lose weight. Have I started it? NOPE... why? Well because I haven't been checking my blood like I should be and this medicine can severely drop your blood sugars so I should be monitoring carefully. I am now starting that today so all in all two good things. But I am not giving myself a pat on the back because that is for sissies. When I am feeling less hateful of myself I will have to post a picture of my lovely double chin at my sons Eagle Court of Honor. Cheerio!!!! xoxo

Little Blog

I kind of forgot about my little blog.... maybe I should dust it off and try again!!!