Cry Baby

So I am over being a cry baby. I had my few days of feeling sorry for myself and I am done. I need to get my happy face on and enjoy the life God has given me.... Carry on!!! Oh and I went for a walk again last night although my husband had to persuade me :0)

How to find your purpose.............

Maybe this will help....................

http://www.wikihow.com/Find-Your-Life's-Purpose

Just say no

Day 3 of no diet dr pepper and its ok. I did it before for six months and I can do it again but this time I want it to be for good. So I have been drinking lots of water and I hate it. Seriously hate it but as its getting warmer it isn't that hard to drink. I wasn't drinking that much soda before so it won't be hard.

I haven't been out with the dog yet as I just feel blah again this morning and I really need to go shower. Everything is a huge boring effort right now. On the bonus side today I don't have to cook dinner tonight. This post is boring and negative like the others.

I am going to start water zumba as soon as the pool warms up. A lady does it from her house but her pool is like 72 at the moment and I would freeze to death in that just by getting into it. I am such a girl............ I like doing water aerobics and have done it in the past. It is high energy but it is low impact on the body. So that and walking were my two favorite exercises. I hope that walking because one of them again.

My blood glucose was a bitch yesterday and I think it was the line into the pump that wasn't working properly. I kept looking and thought it looked odd but was like its ok. Stupid me!!! I know that doesn't make me feel good when its like that. I think I am just having a majorly bad week.

Anyway I should get on with some stuff round here and make myself presentable!!

Cheers!! xoxo

Walkies

I walked again and well I nearly died.

Blah

I feel so worn out and just want to sit all day long. If you knew me a six years ago I was crazy OCD and now not so much. Its kind of scary when you feel so blah a lot of the time. I know that today is just particularly bad. I figured out that my infusion set was not working and my blood sugars have been high most of the time. That doesn't help the situation. Blah.............

Wishes

Fat Moments

Those moments when you can't go anywhere without being paranoid of how fat you look.

How fat?

Down and Out

Can I say I am really down right now about my whole self. I don't like anything about myself right now. I am fat and getting older by the day. I have no one to blame but myself on the fatness level. I have completely let myself go and I am so depressed about it. I no longer have an excuse about it anymore. I am ashamed of myself and I don't know what to do or where to start AGAIN!! So I have this issue with my back and I don't know if its all in my head or what or weather it is just because I am so fat. My back hurts after I am walking for a bit. It is in my lower back and it is almost unbearable until I sit down and then it just goes away. I am guessing it is my weak point and if I lose some weight and exercise it will go away. In fact I know it will go away because I was walking four miles a day two years ago and when I first started my back hurt like this too. The thing is I don't want to go through the pain first to get to not having the pain. I know I am so insane but its true. I just want an easy button. I am so embarrassed about the way I look. I can't buy clothes because I hate all the FAT people clothes. I hate them and I hate going in there. I don't know how people walk around feeling happy when they are fat. I can't stand it. I can't stand it at all. It makes me miserable but why isn't it making me miserable enough to do something about it? I can't even write on here that I am going to do something about it because I have done that before and I haven't done it. Or I started but didn't finish. So my declaration is that I am going to take one day at a time. One day at a time and then maybe my fat pants will be a little loser next week and then maybe I will get down to the next size of fat pants that I have hanging in my wardrobe. Just maybe............................. So I asked the dog this morning if she wanted to go for a walk and she practically cried. Now how freaking sad is that? The dog couldn't bloody believe her ears that fat me wanted to take her for a walk. So I went around the block and by the time we were on our way home my back was hurting but I did it and it was a start right? On another note my doctor about a month ago gave me this new medicine that I can use with my insulin. It is supposed to help you lose weight. Have I started it? NOPE... why? Well because I haven't been checking my blood like I should be and this medicine can severely drop your blood sugars so I should be monitoring carefully. I am now starting that today so all in all two good things. But I am not giving myself a pat on the back because that is for sissies. When I am feeling less hateful of myself I will have to post a picture of my lovely double chin at my sons Eagle Court of Honor. Cheerio!!!! xoxo

Little Blog

I kind of forgot about my little blog.... maybe I should dust it off and try again!!!